Step Three

 

I read somewhere that in the first 2 steps, there is no action, just thinking.

Step 1 identifies the problem as a lack of power. Hence the wording that we are powerless. Powerless means to be without power.

Step 2 offers a solution to our problem and the solution is power. It's not rocket science. It's very simple.

Step 3 gives us an opportunity to choose between the problem and the solution to the problem. Do we want to continue to die or do we want to live?

Again, it doesn't take too much thinking. Do I want to sleep in a box under a bridge or do I want to sleep in my own bed in my own home? Do I want to keep waking up trying to figure out where I was last night?who was I with? what did I do? am I in trouble again? Whose blood is this on my shirt? Is it mine? Or did I hurt someone? Or would I rather wake up knowing where I was and who I was I with and what I did.

The choice is mine to make. No one can make it for me. Its true that you can lead people to water but you can't make them drink the water if they would rather drink something else instead. All you can do is let them know where the water is, and show them how much better off you are after you drink from the stream. I made a decision to drink the water.

I made a decision to turn my will (which is my thoughts and my feelings) and my life (which is my actions and my behavior) over to the care of the god of my understanding.

As I mentioned in the previous essay on step two, I had only a little understanding of who God was to me. I knew my God was a power greater than myself and I knew from watching examples of the people around me who had a god of their understanding, that great things could happen if I remained honest, open-minded, and willing. That was enough for me to make a beginning.

I have been doing this deal for almost 26 years and I can say that today my understanding of these things has broadened and deepened over the years. But, at the time I took Step 3, my understanding was at the best of times flimsy. I had faith and I had hope. I had doubts too. I think I still needed to see the results.

William James wrote a book called The Varieties of Religious Experience. It's recommended reading for the atheists and agnostics who doubt the validity of the spiritual approach to recovery from addictions. It's quite a hefty volume, about 750 pages, and it talks about the different ways people find God.

Basically, there are two types of spiritual awakenings. The instantaneous kind where God appears in a burning bush and tells you to go build an ark or something, and the educational kind, where the awakening happens gradually. Mine was somewhere in the middle of the two. In that church in Meductic I had sensed the presence of God, but I still needed to be shown.

This whole process of doing the 12 steps is not just about recovery from addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling or other forms of compulsive behavior. Our main reason for doing the steps is to help us establish - or re-establish - a relationship with God. We have been sick, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

We are the sick and the lame and the blind and the deaf, the lost sheep in the flock. We are the ones Jesus talked about. We are ones the Buddha sought to bring enlightenment to. We are the ones lost in the Great Alone on the black road of spiritual darkness. Put whatever spin on it you want, that's who we are.

If this method isn't for you, if you feel you can do this some other way, if you have any reservations, maybe you should stop reading this and go read something else. It won't offend me.

I, too, was skeptical. For one thing, it sounded too easy. For another thing, they said the word God too much. There was a time that when a person said the word God in a sentence, I stopped listening and missed everything else they said. But here's a little trick I learned. What if the word God was an acronym. G.O.D. - good orderly direction. I can take direction. That's easy.

Here, take this key. Yeah keep going down this street, turn right at the third stop sign, about 100 yards down you'll come to a locked gate. Should be a sign with the number 3 on it. Put the key in the lock and turn it. The gate will open and you can continue on your journey. Just follow the directions, you'll be fine. I can do that without using the word thy or thine and if later I want to use those pronouns, I can choose to do that, too.

One of the things I found appealing to me in the 12 step philosophy was the lack of dogma. There is strict adherence to spiritual principles but no strict adherence to any specific religion. I apply the principles in accordance with how I understand god.

Many years after I sobered up, our group was hosting a meeting at detox. We usually conclude our meetings with the Our Father but one gentleman objected to this, saying that he didn't think we should use a specific prayer, especially a Christian one. His tone led me to believe that he expected us to make him conform. But we didn't. We said no maybe we can skip the prayer tonight. After the meeting, he hung around and chatted with us and seemed impressed with our lack of strict rules.

There's a little riddle I like to use about step three to illustrate that it is an action step. Three frogs are sitting on a fence. One frog makes a decision to jump off the fence. How many frogs are still on the fence? I know you think the answer is 2, but the correct answer is 3, because making a decision to do something and actually doing it are not the same thing.

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, on page 63, down toward the bottom of the page, is a prayer. We call it the Third Step Prayer. I say it every morning and these are the words I use. You can use whatever words you want as long as you do it.

God I offer myself to you, to build with me and to do as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self so that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness to those I would help. Amen. Once you say that for the first time, you've taken Step Three.