STEP NINE

 

Some of the groups round here have a reading that they call the 12 Promises. The reading they took those promises from is page 83-84 of the Big Book. I'm not sure how they arrived at the number 12. There are no numbers in front of them. At our group we do that reading but we call them the Step 9 Promises because the reading is nestled in between the ending of Step 9 and the beginning of Step 10. Doesn't take too much thinking to figure that one out.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. This thought brings us to Step Ten........"

This phase of our development is step 9. So, if you're going to meetings, if you joined a group, managed to get a sponsor and have been on the journey of the steps up to this point, you've probably noticed some of these promises coming true. But, if you're just going to meetings and sitting on your hands, thinking you can't trust anyone enough to let them sponsor you, that you might get around to the steps at some point and that none of these so-called promises are becoming evident in your life, well then maybe you should get off your lazy butt and start doing some work in this program because the step 9 promises won't materialize unless you do the work.

STEP EIGHT

 

Now that we've established a relationship with God (Steps 2, 3, 6 and 7) and established a relationship with ourselves (Step 1 and 4) and begun to establish a relationship with the people around us (Step 5), it's time to really roll up our sleeves and get that garden weeded. In Step 8 we make a list of all the people we have harmed in our attempt to do things our way and we become willing to make amends to them all. I actually have a cute story about that.

One of the guys I sponsor came over to my house to get his steps 8 and 9 started. So we said a little prayer and I grabbed the big book, turned to page 76 and read, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory."

My guy got this worried look on his face and said, "Uh-oh."

I turned to him and said, "What's wrong?"

He gives me one of those guilty looks. "I was in a meeting a few months ago and this guy said that after he did step 5, he burned his inventory. I didn't burn mine though. I buried it in North Carolina."

We live in Canada.

I closed the book and told him to rewrite his inventory. He wasn't too happy about doing that, but he did do it. This raises a good point about sponsorship in general. If you are in a 12-step program and if you have a sponsor, you should follow his advice and guidance because he (or she) probably knows best. Don't get me wrong. There are many people in our fellowships who have sound advice and guidance and you should listen to these people, but if you decide to put into action a suggestion that they made to you, it might be a good plan to mention this advice to your current sponsor.

By the way, nowhere in the literature does it suggest that you dispose of your written inventory. Naturally, you may wish to keep this information safe and secure, for whatever reasons you may have, but you should be able to retrieve it.

Back to the matter at hand. Step 8. If you have followed directions and you have a written inventory (or typed or on a thumb drive, etc), then you can refer back to it, look at the wrongs you have done to others, the people you have harmed by your sexual conduct or your financial greed and ambition or just by being an all-around jerk. You may wish to put this information on a separate sheet of paper and when you have that completed you will have your amends list.

Keep in mind that it says ALL the people we have harmed. So, if you have caused them harm, their name goes on the list. It doesn't matter what they did or what you think they have done, this is not their amends list. It is yours. You do not make amends in this step. You simply make the list and exercise that wonderful character trait we discovered in the first few steps. Willingness.

If you have the list and you are willing to make the amends, then you have completed Step Eight.

Step Seven

 

More review, but just of the action steps:

In Step 4 we begin doing the work that is necessary in order to apply the solution to the problem. This was a thorough self-examination of our assets and liabilities. Our liabilities we referred to as defects of character or wrongs and were those things which had been blocking us from a relationship with God, with ourselves, and with the people around us.

In Step 5 we admitted our wrongs to God, to ourselves, and to at least one other human being.

In Step 6 we became ready to have these defects of character removed from us. At my home group, during our discussions on the Sixth Step, I would sometimes pose this question, "What's the difference between being willing and being ready." There is a popular quote from the book Alcoholics Anonymous that gives the answer to that question. It says, "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take these steps." So if a person is willing, then that person is ready.

In the 2nd and 3rd steps, that's where we commence to form a relationship with God and we don't have to have an overpowering sense of god-consciousness. A willingness to believe is all that is required to make a beginning in step 2 and it is often said that willingness is the key to taking step 3. So, if I am willing to do steps 2 and 3, then I am ready to take the action steps 4 - 9. And thus, in Step 6 we see that we are ready now to have the things that have blocking us removed from us.

And that's what step 7 is for. The wording of the step is that we "Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings." Originally, the step included the phrase "on our knees". The early members of AA were part of a religious movement known as the Oxford Group. They were a predominantly Christian movement from which many of the principles embodied in the 12 steps were derived. They believed in a lot of things that we still believe today. Self-examination, prayer, confession of defects, making amends, dependence upon a higher power, and carrying the message. But they also had beliefs that were based on specific religious dogma whereas in modern-day 12 step programs we view God as our concept of God. And not all persons from all beliefs find it necessary to get on their knees to pray, so that phrase was removed.

It is still necessary for us to be humble but the expression of humility is not as intimidating as it looks. In my opinion, being humble is knowing that although I may be good at many things, that doesn't make me better than anyone else. And in the case of prayer to a higher power, it reminds me that any success I am having today is not entirely my doing. It is a result of the concerted efforts of myself and god as I understand God.

I should also mention that just because I ask God to remove my shortcomings does not mean they are going to instantly be removed. I did think that was going to happen, but that was back in my early days before the guidance of a sponsor, back when I used to sit in meetings and do the steps as a mental exercise. I would look at them and think oh yeah by the time I get to step seven, I'll be okay. All my character defects will evaporate and I'll be as pure as driven snow. I'll go on the speaker circuit, start writing for the grapevine, and every newcomer that crawls through the doors of AA will immediately sense that I am a spiritual giant, they'll ask me to sponsor them, we'll go to conferences together and they'll brag about how sober I'm getting them.

That's not exactly what happened. My character defects did not evaporate. I still have them, but on a daily basis God removes from me those shortcomings which stand in the way of my usefulness to Him and to others. And each day I move closer to my chosen ideal of how I should be living my life. Remember we discovered what that chosen ideal was when we did columns 4 and 5 of our personal inventory.

And for the record, I do have a speaker circuit but its only about 60 miles in diameter, I did write a few items for the grapevine. You know if you send an editor enough material eventually he will print something just to get you to stop. And a few newcomers have agreed to let me sponsor them, and we do go to meetings and conferences together, but when they talk about me I doubt very much they are singing my praises. It's probably more along the lines of criticism. Oh well. they don't have to like it; they just have to do it.

By the way, the introduction to step 7 reads like this: "When we are ready, we say something like this My Creator I am now willing....." So if you're ready, then you're willing. :)