STEP EIGHT

 

Now that we've established a relationship with God (Steps 2, 3, 6 and 7) and established a relationship with ourselves (Step 1 and 4) and begun to establish a relationship with the people around us (Step 5), it's time to really roll up our sleeves and get that garden weeded. In Step 8 we make a list of all the people we have harmed in our attempt to do things our way and we become willing to make amends to them all. I actually have a cute story about that.

One of the guys I sponsor came over to my house to get his steps 8 and 9 started. So we said a little prayer and I grabbed the big book, turned to page 76 and read, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory."

My guy got this worried look on his face and said, "Uh-oh."

I turned to him and said, "What's wrong?"

He gives me one of those guilty looks. "I was in a meeting a few months ago and this guy said that after he did step 5, he burned his inventory. I didn't burn mine though. I buried it in North Carolina."

We live in Canada.

I closed the book and told him to rewrite his inventory. He wasn't too happy about doing that, but he did do it. This raises a good point about sponsorship in general. If you are in a 12-step program and if you have a sponsor, you should follow his advice and guidance because he (or she) probably knows best. Don't get me wrong. There are many people in our fellowships who have sound advice and guidance and you should listen to these people, but if you decide to put into action a suggestion that they made to you, it might be a good plan to mention this advice to your current sponsor.

By the way, nowhere in the literature does it suggest that you dispose of your written inventory. Naturally, you may wish to keep this information safe and secure, for whatever reasons you may have, but you should be able to retrieve it.

Back to the matter at hand. Step 8. If you have followed directions and you have a written inventory (or typed or on a thumb drive, etc), then you can refer back to it, look at the wrongs you have done to others, the people you have harmed by your sexual conduct or your financial greed and ambition or just by being an all-around jerk. You may wish to put this information on a separate sheet of paper and when you have that completed you will have your amends list.

Keep in mind that it says ALL the people we have harmed. So, if you have caused them harm, their name goes on the list. It doesn't matter what they did or what you think they have done, this is not their amends list. It is yours. You do not make amends in this step. You simply make the list and exercise that wonderful character trait we discovered in the first few steps. Willingness.

If you have the list and you are willing to make the amends, then you have completed Step Eight.